At least he would be 5 if he were still with us. And I imagine all of the above descriptions would be accurate. But he is not here with us anymore. And he is not 5 today. He is forever 3 1/2. So I can only imagine what a 5 year-old Fane would be like.
I was up late last night. It occurred to me that I was putting off going to bed. I realized that I simply didn't want to go to sleep. I knew that when I woke up Fane would still be gone. And I just didn't want to spend his birthday without him. I still don't want to.
Today is overcast and gloomy. It's fitting for my mood. Oh, how I'd love to be getting ready for a birthday party. Instead I am making a cake that we will eat without him. We will take it to him and sing "Happy Birthday" but we will eat it without him. I am sad for us, but happy for him. I've always been a fan of birthdays. Birthdays are fun here. Just imagine how much better they are in heaven when you have Jesus to celebrate with.
Happy Birthday, my sweet Fane! My sweet, sweet boy...we miss you so!!
Haylee,
ReplyDeleteYou will always have a 3 1/2 year old son. It is hard to imagine what he would be like as a grown up. I look at Tiff and Tann and wonder what Travis would be doing--It is hard to imagine him grown up as they are. I think you knew that he was six weeks younger than Tiff and Tann, three days older than Betsy, and two weeks older than Steph. Our entire neighborhood was having babies that summer.
Your love for Fane will be in your heart forever. There will be a day when you are able to think of him without the tears. The anniversary of his birthday is not the day or will it ever be. Tomorrow will come and life will go on--for some of us--our lives where changed forever when our precious children entered our lives and when they left us much too soon. Love you lots!!